I was at a horse race yesterday when some kid lost his balloon…
"mom im bleeding"
“oh sweetie there’s no need to be worried that’s just a sign that you’re becoming a woman”
“thank god, i was really starting to get worried about this axe in my shoulder”
oh my god oH my god OH MY GOD fuckin christ oh my god masculinity is so fragile oh my god
"wow i like that sweater you’re knitting" "IT’S NOT A SWEATER IT’S A BRO COZY CAN’T YOU SEE I’M A MAN??"
a day before a test and the only question i have is what did we learn
mother i must feed
Mother, why do you cry?
75% REAL BABY HAIR
Two more months and it’s 2015 what the fuck
I swear it was 2012 and we were all freaking out about the world ending like three months ago
Nothing more hilarious than seeing a guy’s behavior towards you completely change as soon as he realizes he’ll never get anything out of his interaction.
do you ever cook something in the microwave but it’s still really cold in the middle and you just keep eating it instead of heating it longer because life is pointless and entropy is unavoidable and the universe is filled with callous and casual destruction